X-Ray Tech: "Ma'am, what's this?"
Swede: "That's my keychain. Why?"
X-Ray Tech: "Don't you know this is illegal to carry on a plane?"
Swede: "I had no problem getting on the plane in Houston. Why the big hassle now?"
XRT: "Ma'am, we don't tolerate this kind of thing here. We take all incidents with guns* seriously."
Swede: "You do know this cannot possibly be construed as a real gun? Right?"
XRT: "We don't joke about this sort of thing. Ever. You're free to go."
*Incidentally, the 'gun' in question was a keychain memento that Darth Lord of the Range gave Swede after his trip to the 2006 SHOT show in Vegas. The damn thing is barely an inch long and the security hack started giving Swede lip about carrying it on a flight. Last I checked, keychain fobs were not part of the banned item list in the United States.
She's pretty wound up over the whole ordeal. I gave her a dose of reality when I mentioned that Canada is half as bad as its parent country, England, when it comes to gun control. At least they didn't swab her purse for explosive residue. That would have been a guaranteed trip to Guantanamo for her.
The catchall phrase, "We're from the government, and we're here to help!" should read: "We're from the government, and we don't know the difference between sh*& and shinola."
I'm gonna have to try and track down a new Glock G19 keychain fob for Swede to go along with the Spongebob Squarepants panty set that is already in the mail.