A Peace Officer's Bucket List

We've all heard the term 'bucket list.' Everyone knows what it is for. Well, I understand that Peace Officers have one, too.

Ours is somewhat different. We have the list of things we'd like to see in our careers (i.e. find the lost little child, stop a violent crime in progress, etc.), and we have a list of things we don't want to see, but have to anyway as part of the job (murder, suicide, fatality wrecks). Then there's the unquantifiable stuff that we check off as we come across it. You know, practical jokes by colleagues, weird calls for service, stuff that makes you shake your head and wonder (A migraine salute LawDog would call it).

I think I had my first one on that last list tonight. Mobile patrol with my FTO. We were checking the parking lots at our satellite building a block over from the main part of our campus. Check the first half of the lot, tell a silly joke, chuckle, look for the boogey man in the dark shadows. All clear. Head over to the back of the building and immediately, from the street, see a 'citizen' in a suspicious posture by his vehicle. Passenger side, door open. First impression was he was blowing ballast. Didn't see the requisite puddle at his feet. He gives us an 'eyeball f***' look and we swing around again, both saying: "This turd is up to no good."

On the second lap, we make contact. Spotlight on, he takes more notice. My FTO addresses him with a pleasant, "Good evening, sir! Is everything allright?" Mr. Sneaky immediately states, "I'm waiting for my sister." whilst pointing at the building with one hand and hitching up his sagging drawers with the other. We ask him to step back so we can peek into the car and verify that he's alone. He moved just enough for a female head to poke out and say: "Evening Officers!" and pop right back in.

Yes. That's right. Our sneaky friend was attending to some 'business' in the parking lot.

Since we weren't called to the scene by a concerned citizen, nor did we witness any lewd act, we had nothing to go on. FTO sternly advised he *ahem* finish waiting for his sister *snicker* in the car, and then leave poste haste *gigglesnort*. As we pull out (yes, I see the pun), I look back to see our friend express his gratitude for not getting jammed up with a very passionate kiss on his lady friend's lips. Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

Some things that have been seen, cannot be unseen. This is one of them.